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woo. im a staff at pasta mania since last monday. and and and the people there are quite nice to me. girls, cheer for me. haha. HAN, if you see this update about your prom. attach photos okayy?
wen posted this.
Nonsense No. 1:
7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children
1)A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'.
2)A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God.'The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'
3)A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
4)One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?'Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'
5)The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'
6)A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.''Yes,' the class said.'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'A little fellow shouted,'Cause your feet ain't empty
7)The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:'Take only ONE . God is watching.'Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
Nonsense No.2:
10 Worst Comments To Get On A Test
10. See me after class.
9. Didn't you ever buy the book?
8. It's a C -- but it's a strong C.
7. Fascinatingly convoluted.
6. My, what nice, big margins!
5. You must've been up all last night.
4. You should probably know the book ends differently than the movie.
3. Spelling requires more than just sounding it out.
2. Are you familiar with the term "plagiarism"?
1. Please tell your dad to try harder
Nonsense No.3:
Some Facts
1)No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.
2)Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
3)Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
4)The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.
5)Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.(eewwww...)
6)The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.(haha...whta goes around comes around)
7)Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
8)Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
9)A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
10)Turtles can breathe through their butts(so everything they smell is smelly)
11)On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.(how the hell do they get that in their mouths in the first place)
12)On average people fear spiders more than they do death.(me!me!me!)
13)Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
14)Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
15)It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
16)No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
17)The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
18)Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
19)Almost everyone who reads this post will try to lick their elbow
Nonsense No.4:
The Most Ridiculous Laws in the World
- In Victoria Australia it is forbidden to wear pink hot pants after mid-day on a Sunday.
- It England, it is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament.
- In Ohio, it is against state law to get a fish drunk.(huh?)
- In the UK, a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants – even, if she so requests, in a policeman’s helmet.
- In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on Sundays can be jailed.(:p sexist)
Nonsensense No.5:
These are real excuse letters written by parents in a Tennessee school district... (spellings have been left intact.)
1. Dear school: Please ecsc's John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.
2. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
3. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday we thought it was Sunday.
4. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
5. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
6. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better education for our kids.
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